Andrew E Lander Stow

OK here I go......
17th February 2014

I had a problem trying to lock on to the HRMC. I spoke to them and they realised that I was being a driveling idiot or I was having a brain fart! 3 hours later it was OK and the words I'd forgotten came back!

17th March 2014

I made an appointment with a local Doc and they said that I may have had a stroke (TIA) and that I had to make an appointment to have a CT scan at Derriford the following week.

19th March

I drove up to Castle Douglas taking my friend, Nathan, to help me service a climbing wall. We stayed overnight in the Urr Valley Hotel and serviced the Rockwall successfully on the 20th.

20th March

I lost an awfull lot of words during the day. I couldn't name a car I used to own (a Citroen) and couldn't even remember the name of a........ see, still can't remember it. This went on all day for my drive back home (8 hrs)

21st March after a good nights sleep. I'm ill. My brain wouldn't allow me to remember nearly anything unless it was many years ago! I asked Brenda, my gorgeous wife of 41 years (on Monday 24th), to make me a Doctor appointment. Brenda got worried and rang the kids. Katie (gorgeous daughter, don't tell her) rang the NHS number and they rang me. Did they want to speak to a driveling, they decided to speak to Brenda and told her they were sending an ambulance to get me to A&E.

I got to Derriford Hospital and they stuffed me into an emergency reception and started looking at me. After several hours they decided that I needed a CT scan of my head which then proved I had a lump in my LH brain. This was serious and I was stuck into a ward until they could get me into a proper ward...the Burrator. Then the night went through with about 6 sleeps and a set of Doctors visted me to say that I had to take a set of Dexamethasone tablets at 4mg per every 6 hours. They are steroids and they try to reduce my brain.

23rd March

My feelings are crap. My head hurts when the pills wear out. I am 61 years old, my intelligence is high enough to put me in the top 1% of the British public and I have forgotten words after 5 minutes! Perhaps my brain has reduced my inteligence?

I've had my family visit me and they seem worried. I'm worried but I've worked out that I haven't got any memories from before I was born and if I'm not going to live to 87 then I won't have a future memory.

I've had several chats with the Neuro Docs and they have said that this may be a growth in my brain that isn't Cancer or it might be. They needed a MRI scan of my head and body as well as a CT scan of my body to add to the head one the other day.

The MRI scan happened during the next 45 minutes and the CR scan will help tomorrow...on my wedding anniversary.

Then on Thursday the Surgeons will discuss what needs doing and here are 3 of their possible ideas....

Give the Oncologists me and they will do a radio therapy for several months every so often on me! This may reduce the growth if it's all by itself!

If the growth is by itself then the Surgeons will do a biopsy of my head OR they will whip my head open and cut a big lump out.

If I have too many growths in my body...............? "Byeeeee" might be the word.

To this end I've decided to wipe off some "friends" that I have never met on Facebook as I do not believe that they need to know this crap.


24th March 2014

I've just corrected the spelling at 00.52 because I'm not tired!


24th March again

I managed to have a body CT scan and told the Docs that I wanted to get home "NOW". Everything has been filmed and I didn't need to be there until the Surgeons and Oncologists have checked all the photos from the MRI and CT scans.

Then they had to talk to me and tell me the drugs I need to take. As some of you like to have a good laugh these are them...

Dexamethasone 4mg x 4 times per day - This is supposed to reduce my brain swelling! I think this is the only neccesary one. Check this on Google to find this is the strongest/heaviest you're allowed to take!

Phenytoin 150mg per day - This is supposed to stop you having a fit. If you haven't had a fit, like me, why do I need to take it! It sticks my blood pressure through the sky.

Ramipril 10mg per day - puts your blood pressure down to normal levels to fight the Phenytoin. The first time I took that I was a mile high!

Ranitidine 150mg twice per day - This stops your tummy playing up.


I suggested that Brenda took the Phenytoin as she hasn't had a fit either.....they weren't too impressed with that!

We are now waiting for 1 week before we hear from the Surgeons/Oncologists to find out what is happening to this blithering idiot!

25th March

Didn't sleep much at all as the pills are reducing the brain swelling and I may have started designing a Time Machine. On the other hand I may just have designed even better conversions for my new Motorcaravan.

Slightly worried about my gorgeous Grandson but I may be talking to Mensa today as I believe they could help. The kid is frightingly intelligent and therefore doesn't realise that his teachers and school children are normal....still thinking about this...Grampy and Daddy are Mensa Members...we'll sort it out.

OK, I had a tough day yesterday and today doesn't seem to be starting any better!
27th March 2014

I'd had a great nights sleep and started on the pills at 06.30. Have I mentioned I DON'T LIKE PILLS? I tried to make an appointment to see my favourite Doctor but it took us until lunch time to get an appointment where he - Dr "Superman" Cope - could fit us in in the afternoon.

The day had started off rivetingly...British Telecom (Known as BT - or just useless, money making, lazy people) decided that 9% of Devon would be without their superfast (how do you call it "superfast" when you don't get it?) Infinity (you're never going to get it...that's what infinity means) because they had a problem from 04.01 (that's very early morning and doesn't normally exist on my clocks) until 20.30hrs - that number does exist...TWICE...on my clocks!

They didn't tell me until the 8th call, when I spoke to Shri (not Shrek), and he explained it was a big problem and we would have to wait until midnight. WHAT? This is the bit I put on Facebook because I nearly lost the will to live over this. Check the bit about them sending me a website address THAT I CANNOT USE WITHOUT THE INTERNET!

Wow! That must be a new record (for pissing me off so amazingly). BT lost the Infinity Internet in Devon at 4am today (26th March '14). 9% of the people in Devon lost the Internet and BT couldn't be bothered to tell them (including me). I got 8 replies to calls I made when they said they'd fix it in 2 hours (from 07.30am to 2pm). I got the internet back at 9pm (but they never informed me). They sent me a text on the 9th phone call to them saying that I could look this all up on the Internet with this address (how the f*ck do you go on the Internet when they can't support you?).
At 21.30 it says there is still a problem!
Anybody want my Internet business?
I suggest that BT send all their people on a course at MacDonalds to learn how to look after their customers.

OK, moving on as my spleen has just filled up!

I'd decided to take the Phenytoin at 10pm (6 hours from 6pm - NOT) because the previous night I honestly believe that I made my great cousin, Nick Carter, wet himself with laughter. I can't remember much about what I said but I think he enjoyed it.

I took it at 10pm, blood pressure was the best it's been (122/77) and I read for an hour (skills are coming back) and went to sleep until 02.30! WHAT?

I stayed in bed until 05.00 and gave up, so some of you may be able to have a laugh this morning. Please do as I love laughter.

I have to point out that the Super Doc yesterday had a good laugh and was magic. A super magic Doctor. He explained again about the drugs and we left happy and we were all laughing.

We got the Internet back at 9.02 'cos BT don't bother telling you, and I did a bit of writing.

Now today...What did I think about...

How much I love my friends (all Countries)and family - all of them, including cousins, their partners and dogs (not so keen on cats and, honestly, who the hell likes chickens?)

The other side of feelings is how much I hate people that I cannot see why they should be allowed to live? There is no middle ground. In the old days, I used to ignore them and hope they would go away. Now I would rather they just died! Yes, I know it's wrong. I also know that with my, stupidly high, IQ I can work through this and just insult them and give them a bad day (BT, your are so on the list).

Today I should see more friends, and they better be happy! I don't want miserable people. All will work out and I'll be back to my stupid, aggressive, bigoted, ugly, incredibly lucky (did you know I had a 41st wedding anniversary with the best girl in the World on Monday?) DICK self!
I'm sorry that I can't remember everyone's name, If you know me and I haven't pissed you off too much. Or you live in Switzerland and speak French and have enjoyed my company. Or you've met me on the road and thought I wasn't dangerous. Or I managed to help you and made your life more easy. Then...Thank you for being you.
Today is the day that the Hospital is going to have a meeting. They will have the Oncologists (what the devil is an Offcologist), the Neuro Surgeons, and possibly the guys and girls who care as well as some people who probably park cars and issue parking tickets or clean windows. They will look at some photos of my head and decide what would be the best thing to do for a harmless idiot soon! Don't wish me luck, issue them luck PLEASE?
Oh, look, it's 05.56 and the pills are calling me. Perhaps it will be a good day and I'll come back later to tell you.

If you want to ring me and have a laugh then these are the numbers 01752 895362 and 07779 277754

If you ring me and try to sell me something...please remember I will have a sword soon!


It may be a good day. I had a riveting time in a Supermarket that should be called something beginning with "expensive" but claims to be cheaper and I managed to get some Lipton Iced Tea - Peach. I love the stuff and it's working on me.

Then we got back and, so I'll remember I spoke to a nutcase woman (her own description), and writing it here. I'm going to be annoyed/abused/sickened/worried in the Moorgate Ward, next Monday (31st March 2014) on floor 4 at 2pm. Not sure which the order goes in?

Then I had two lovely friends turn up. Paul and Lyn Studley. They were a treat to see and talk to and they were fed by Brenda so when they left a few minutes ago it had been a great middle-day. this is not the same as Middle earth as I may be going there next week.

Now can we talk names? Well, I can as this is my website! I like Moon Pond 3. It gets a bit weaker when it comes as MP3 but that may be acceptable and allow me to use my sword (haven't bought one yet) to correct being called MP3 instead of Moon Pond 3. I'm not sure how much it costs but it may be worth it so people know my brain farts.

I am now discussing Thermo Nuclear War with some seriously exceptional people/hobbits/loons. What are your thoughts? Like I can remember long enou....Squirrel.

Haven't I got amazing friends? Don't actually care what you think if you're reading this, because it's mine!
28th March 2014

Ok, it was 02.30 and I was awake again and this is not a good time unless you are a Nurse, Policeman or Insomniac.....Oh! I should be there then! I got up at 05.10.

Not a good night, 4 hours sleep and instantly awake...I'm taking that stupid drug at breakfast tomorrow as I need more sleep...or do I?

I'm worried today. It's a simple one. I forgot to ask a question and I'll have to ask later this morning. I will ask and I'm sure the answer will be what I want to hear but I may be frightened right now. I'll let you know later on.

I'm not going to advertise this website anymore as I don't think anyone who hasn't been to see the ravings of a Loon will be interested.

Could we talk about Religion please? I have a serious problem with this and some of the people who insist they know better than me...they may, but I still think these people are wasting other peoples money, time and possibly screwing with their heads.

There are more people on the World (trashing it with Global Warming etc) than there ever has been. I have no memory before I was 6 months old. I was given an egg to eat and spat it out before I threw up. Therefore, I had no memory. Do we (not me, I'm being nice about this) believe that when you snuff it you get to keep your memory? I don't and therefore I think that most people who enjoy Religion can do what they like but please, please, please stay the heck away from me as I think that you need education and you're dangerous. SORRY, I told you I was mental and taking drugs but strangely, those feelings haven't changed with me.

I also think that people who insist that you should stop believing in Religion are bleedin' mental. Do what you want that makes you happy...but stay the heck away from me. You do not have my intelligence..SORRY, I'm being rude and some of you are fabulous people who deserve better than me. Please read something interesting and have a nice life.

Can I please buy a sword? I'm scared for the future of the World and someone needs to talk to people about it.

I would get funny today but it isn't happening. SORRY.

I want to meet people that know of the 3 Laws of Robotics and know who wrote them. The greatest person I never knew. I do know the answers.

OK, let's try to brighten the day....OH SHIT, It's raining. This may mean I'm wrong and that a super, religious, evil bastard, is getting his own back on me for what I've just written.

I would like to spend some time today working on my Motorcaravan....Oh look, it's still raining. Bye Somerset I understand you'll be floating away again.

I've changed the colours on this page. I can't see them very well but thought black was a bit sombre so red would be better. Like I care!

I hope I meet friends today that enjoy life and have a laugh. I rang a friend last night who has an IQ of10,001. Don't deny this, she's obviously better than me and you. Yes, you can say she's lying but unfortunately it was me that told her what her IQ was and so I'm right as you cannot answer back on this page.

There's a lady in the USA, I think, who has told me she has a sword. When I asked her to send it she asked if the pen is mightier than the sword. Not if you really want to kill people. Pen's are just cruel and someone will use one in the Daily Shite Sheet (Mail, Express, Sun, add your own but leave The Times out of it please) to tell you that I've killed people you don't think should be allowed to live, with a pen. That's just cruel and sick. Pass the damn sword, PLEASE.

I would like to ask 2 questions of Gary Streeter (our local MP), The local Police boss (No idea or much interest in them but trying to look willing) but not Cameron, Clegg, Farage or Miliband. You lot only do it for the money and you really are incredibly stupid. I'm so much cleverer than you we wouldn't have a War...ever. I wouldn't tell you what the two questions are but the answers should be "Yes" and "Yes". They would never hear from me again if one answer was "No". The problem I have is that I would have to believe that they didn't look up the answers on the Internet and then lie to me that they really knew the answers. SORRY, they are an MP and a Police something (like I care really?).

I hate today already. Can I swop it for a trip to the Moon please? Please send the rocket with a sword.

Do you know, I'm healthier than I was last week because I'm destroying myself with drugs I don't want to take....ever. But my wife is worried that she has to go to Totnes to put her sister, Jenny, on a train that looks like a bus, goes on the road like a bus and stops at Exeter Railway Station (It must be a brilliant train) and she's worried I'll go and buy a sword while she's away.

When were we allowed to own swords and walk about with them? I don't know but if you'd like to join my Anti-religious, anti-political Party....Oh! That idea seems to have fallen down straight away.

It's 06.15 and I expect my gorgeous wife, her amazing kids and their amazing kids will want to see how I am. How the fuck do I know. I'm nuts today.

I must tell you that I'm not frightened today.

I want cake....but I'll probably just look at it as my taste has gone away. I'll go and buy a couple for Roy and Ian. You know who you are and if you don't, you can be Moon Pond 4 and Moon Pond 5.

OK, I need to stop doing this as it's upsetting me. Have a great day and delete what you've read here please (but send a sword).

Yesterday continued (if you can work that statement out, you are actually more cleverier [spelt corrrrrectlie] than me)...

It was a bad day. I spent an hour or so helping Dave Sharp sort his dead computer out. Dave is a nice guy and he runs a superb charity called "Grow4Good South West" Yes, that's a link and if you don't go and support him...I'll kill you. Honest, I'm feeling better today.

Then I rang and asked the question that frightened me a bit....they couldn't answer but I'll get the answer on Monday just after 2pm. I'll let you know what the answer is later that day...or shall I go and look for a lost plane in the Indian Ocean?

My wife, the best woman I didn't realise was so stupid to love me so much, was getting a bit "overboard" and needed to take her sister to catch a train/bus. She was worried I'd buy a sword so she wanted someone who is responsible to look after me.....NO! I don't ever remember being responsible and I don't like miserable people. I felt better yesterday than I had a week earlier but I need to be able to do what I normally do (I have no idea what that is).

I told her that I was going to buy Roy a cake and then go to Welbro. On the way back from the cake shop, some completely, selfish "you need to die you bastard", had parked their car half on the pavement and made it quite difficult to walk past. There's a double yellow line just there and they were being utterly selfish. If I'd had a small child in a pushchair I would have totalled the side of their car so I didn't have to walk on the main road. I'd total the bloody thing with a sword. I'd let the child watch to learn a lesson. I tried to find a Mum pushing a small child around so I could steel the push chair and do the job properly by feeling more righteous (Wow! I can spell righcheous properly). Then I realised I would be a paedophile. Luckily I was thinking a bit crooked there then. I may pop back this morning to get Roy a cake and take my axe to the Ironmongers to see if they can sharpen it for me....after I belt shit out of a crappy Citroen Turd machine. If you don't know what a Citroen Turd machine is go here. they're called Turd Machines because the owner is obviously so full of shit they have no idea what a good car looks like.

I spent a good hour or so with Roy watching him eat a Belgium Bun that was actually bigger than his head! The challenge was to get it all in without dying. He failed but stayed alive and ate the cake.

Then I wandered home and we drove off to see Katie and the kiddywinks. Katie is my mad daughter who took everything bad from me. She used to do Thai may be less than I think and be Tie Boxing which sounds a bit effete - stopping to look that up - damn, I'm on fire this morning. She'll say "Hi", kick you in the nuts and smash your teeth out just before she realises you are a friend. Luckily she has a brother. Richard is the clever one. He got all his serious shit from his Mum and he tends to stop Katie from doing that. I hope he'd then hit the person....with an axe or perhaps something that doesn't hurt so much...if (when) he decided that Katie was right.

Katie had arranged all the paperwork that we had to sign as our tenants are moving in today (Oh Crap! I was talking about Yesterday Continued) and then we came home after staring at the kiddywinks, Jessica and Heidi, wondering why they sometimes have to be told to like me and kiss me and sometimes it's OK if the splurge my glasses even quicker. Splurging is a proprietary name, I invented it, you're not allowed to use it and the dictionary is so wrong (that made you look it up) that I would be happy to tell them how wrong they are - with a sword.

Coming home we had a little chat and Brenda told me I was still the most favourite 61 year old she was married to. She's nuts, but I still love her. We bounced a few, rather serious things about (not the dog you sick bastard) and then we had a few phone calls from people who either wanted to make sure Brenda was OK, make sure I was OK (sick bastards) or to make sure they were better than us and not so fucking unlucky as us.

It's still nice to talk to people as I can find out if they're a vegetable or still human.

By the way, I'm still not scared but I am so annoyed my purchase of a sword has been dropped...I want a Gatling gun. These are the people who I'd use the gun may want to look away....

Paedophiles and Rapists.....Oh! you are so dead. The selfish bastard who upset me with their Citroen Turd Machine. Mel Gibbs and Russel Crowe...c'mon chaps, a couple of good films does not give you the right to be an objectional twat. Actors on Coronation Street, East Enders, Casualty, Fucking, Fucking Soap Programs (I don't mean the ones that advertise soap). Life isn't like that you wankers. SORRY, SORRY, I probably mean the TV people who think that those programs are interesting and that they don't need to fill people's lives with misery. I told Brenda years ago that she was not allowed to watch them and we've had a great time ignoring them until my daughter (Kung Fu Katie) said they (Mike, her husband and a fricking great bloke) watched them - wankers obviously.

Carrying on with the list...the people that buy Citroen Turd Machines probably buy electronic devices made by Apple. They are stupid and therefore they wouldn't read that Apple are over expensive, over here and the manufacturer had a £1 unit made in China to sell to you for the same price as the Turd Machine. I'm enjoying this. They need to die twice. The product is not as good as anything Samsung, they don't pay me anything for telling you the truth and I don't care if you think I'm wrong. My IQ is 6000 this morning and you are a vegetable if you disagree.

There's loads more people that need to die but I'll carry on later, I think it's time for Saturday. Damn Just remembered another one...anyone, anywhere who thinks it's right to make and sell guns with ammunition. I don't care where you live, you need to die. they just hurt people who really only want to have a nice life and not lose their sons and daughters because you are a complete div! Please send me a Gatling Gun first though as I don't count...1,2,3,6,345,89765 (told you).

Tomorrow is here
This bit is empty....enjoy that statement